Stalking is a strong word and may carry with it confusion and shame. Unpicking what stalking behaviour is and what leads to it, it can help you to understand the behaviour and how you can move on from it.
Stalking is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that causes another person to feel scared, distressed, or unsafe. It’s more than just unwanted attention — it’s a pattern of behaviour that can make someone feel threatened.Under UK law (Protection from Harassment Act 1997), stalking can include things like:
- Following someone
- Repeatedly contacting them (calls, texts, emails, messages on social media)
- Watching or spying on them
- Showing up at their home, work, or places they go
- Sending unwanted gifts
- Tracking their movements or using surveillance such as a car tracker
Even if the actions seem small on their own, if they’re part of a repeated pattern and cause fear or distress, they can be considered stalking.
In the UK, harassment and stalking are serious criminal offences even if it wasn’t meant to harm someone, what matters is how it affects the other person.
- Harassment (Protection from Harassment Act 1997)
Harassment is any repeated behaviour that causes someone distress or alarm. This can include things like sending unwanted messages or showing up uninvited.
Penalties: Up to 6 months in prison, fines, or both
A restraining order may also be issued to prevent further contact.
- Stalking (Stalking Protection Act 2012)
Stalking is a more serious offence, often involving behaviour like following someone, constant messaging, or monitoring their activities, causing them fear or distress.
Penalties:
Stalking 2a (without fear, alarm or distress): Up to 6 months in prison, a fine, or both.
Stalking 4a (causing fear of violence or serious distress): Up to 10 years in prison.
Other Legal Measures:
Restraining Orders can be issued to prevent further contact, even if the person is not convicted.
Stalking Protection Orders (SPOs) can be applied to protect victims immediately.
Police powers: Officers can arrest suspected offenders, impose bail conditions, and apply for protection orders.
What You Need to Know
Stalking and harassment are criminal offences, and the law is in place to protect victims. If you're concerned about your behaviour or want to change it, there are therapeutic steps you can take. Taking responsibility and seeking help is the first step toward making things right.
Several types of stalking have been identified (Mullen et al 2000), helping us to understand different motivations behind this behaviour:
- Rejected Stalking: Happens after a breakup or rejection. The person may try to reconnect or retaliate.
- Resentful Stalking: Driven by anger or frustration, often over a real or perceived wrong, leading to harassment.
- Intimacy-Seeking Stalking: Motivated by a desire for closeness or attention, even when the other person doesn’t share the same feelings.
- Incompetent Stalking: The person may struggle with social skills and may stalk to connect, without realising it’s harmful.
- Celebrity Stalking: Being obsessed with famous individuals, believing they have a special connection or a chance of being noticed.
- Predatory Stalking: Focused on a victim for exploitation or harm, often with the intention of preparing for a future assault or controlling the victim.
Understanding these types can help you recognise your behaviour and start making positive changes.
Stalking can happen for many reasons, often driven by intense emotions or unmet needs. Some people stalk because they struggle to accept rejection or loss, and may feel desperate to reconnect with someone. Others might stalk out of anger or a sense of injustice, wanting to "get back" at someone they feel has wronged them. For some, it comes from a desire for intimacy or attention, believing that repeated contact will lead to a relationship, even if the other person doesn't feel the same. In some cases, people may stalk because they lack the social skills to form connections in healthy ways. Lastly, some people stalk celebrities or strangers, feeling a sense of connection or obsession with them. Understanding the reasons behind stalking can be an important first step in taking responsibility and seeking change.
To stop stalking, it’s important to seek psychological intervention, which can help you understand the underlying reasons for your behaviour and develop healthier coping strategies. Engaging in positive activities, such as hobbies or exercise, can shift focus away from obsessive thoughts. Building a supportive social network and strengthening connections with others can provide healthier outlets for your emotions. Additionally, abiding by legal sanctions, such as restraining orders or other court-ordered conditions, is crucial in respecting others' boundaries and taking responsibility for your actions. Change is possible with the right support and commitment.